Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Reflection Pond

Hello again. I previously mentioned that I am six months into my divorce and have grown a tougher skin. This exhaustion that I have been experiencing has lead me to the reflection pond. I know that I am not perfect no matter how hard I strive to be like my creator, Jesus Christ. The flaws that I have is what makes me the person today and not some plastic individual. Standing at this reflection pond, I begin to look back on my life and the many things that I have done for my kids, family, and others during my marriage. I pray to God and ask him why is this being manipulated.

Do you remember when Harry Potter found the "Mirror of Aracet" and saw his parents behind him? If you recall, Dumbledore stated that the mirror can also drive a sane person mad.  I realized the reflection pond had a similar effect. I could see what I wanted (my children back) and would almost agree to anything to spend that time I once did with them again. My attorney, Jennifer Englert is a remarkable person. She made me realize that I was getting too emotional and needed to calm down. When you take your journey on the path of divorce, it is going to be very hard but do not let your emotions get the best of you. You may hear that alot and some of you may know that part already. However, you have shared a life with someone who learned how to push your buttons and knows what makes you tick, snap, and break down. When we were married, things were hard for us financially and we would find ways to cope. Now, it is a battle of whoever can stay sane the longest. 

I just went through my first mediation and I saw a part of my wife that made my jaw drop. Notice that I said first mediation. We have a scheduled date for a second one because nothing was accomplished at the first one. I lost it and the tears came down at the end because I felt like I had been stabbed by over 100 daggers over and over. Part of the divorce journey is that you get to see a part of your spouse that you never knew existed. Yes, you have to be happy. It is very important to be happy yourself because your kids will pick up on your depression and that is the last thing you want. On the other hand, you need to work with the other parent too. If you try to get over on the other parent, the children will pick up on that too and you will lose in the long run. I thank God for everyone he places in my life and everything he does for me. I am sitting at the edge of the reflection pond right now because I am weak. I pray for Strength and Guidance on a daily basis and I will not give up on my kids. Ever since we were young, my mother has raised my siblings and I with the saying, "Due unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is very hard to live by that during the divorce process, but i know that GOD will come through.

Until we speak again,


Walking the journey

O.k., where do I begin. Have you ever heard the saying, "The hardest thing for someone who just lost a limb or a loved one are the first steps in having to learn to do things all over again,"  the concept of divorce is right along that alley. I filed for divorce in September 2009 and we are still nowhere near completion. So, I am 6 months into my journey and to bring you up to speed, I feel weathered, torn, bruised, and battered. I don't say this to scare anyone but as that saying goes, the first steps on my journey have been an emotional rollercoaster and life-changing experience. I will admit that I have grown a tougher skin in 6 months and have learned to watch out for ANYTHING. This economy is taking it's toll on families as well. I recently learned that in Orange County, FL, we are already up to over 2,950 divorces filed for 2010 and we are not even in March yet. So, I can imagine that the numbers are just as high, if not higher in other parts of the country. Please feel free to comment and share your feeelings as we are all human and we all bleed when you attack us. My mother always told me, "Traveling in groups makes a journey a much safer experience." Thanks Mom!