The Preperation

Why did I decide to call this "A Divorce Journey? It has two connotations, thus made it a perfect choice. The first is the literal sense, going through divorce is like taking a journey from one part of your life to begin a new part. The second is that when you are on a journey, you are usually on the trip with tthose who are making the same trip. You will be seperated from your daily life and everything will feel new to you. That is why in my previous post I mention to surround yourself with the warrior, mentor, and doctor. These are the people who are going to keep you grounded and sane.

When you get a chance, register with www.divorce360.com and begin talking to others who are going through the same thing as you. You are not alone! There are millions of people out there who can share their stories with you.

Here is the actual definiton of DIVORCE:

DIVORCE - any formal separation of husband and wife according to established custom. (http://www.dictionary.com/)

You and your spouse already decided to seperate and all you are doing is making it formal. Why is divorce always ugly? The judge doesn't know you form Adam, so the petitioner and the respondent are trying to plead to the judge they are telling the truth and it becomes a batlle of the sales pitch. Remeber, Are you going to try to sell something to a client if you are not prepared? NO!
PREPARE! PREPARE! PREPARE!

I can't stress this enough. I have spoken to many people that have been divorced and feel taken advantaged. You do not want that to happen to you. ALWAYS STAY ON TOP OF THE GAME! This is your life we are talking about.

I hope all this helps and will talk to you all soon,

Please let me know of any comments or concerns


God Bless,

Andy K

Walking the Path

Everybody knows that divorce is not going to be easy so do not expect it to be something that can go away like a bad dream. When you begin walking on the path of this journey, having an attorney along side of you is like walking along side a knight who vows to protect you from those surprise attacks that may come your way. The roads that you once knew like the back of your hand have now changed and you begin to feel like a stranger in your own comfort zone. Friends aren't that close, as they do not want to feel pressured into taking sides. You begin to realize that you are on this jouney alone. Sure, you have family to support you, but they will always take your side and rarely be subjective. Blood is thicker than water and the last thing they want is their own family member in pain. So, you need a person who is not a family member but will always be objective during good and bad times, like a mentor. I'm not talking about the attorney because that is your "warrior". You can become emotional in front of your attorney, so the "mentor" is great for advice and help keep you level headed.  So, now you have your warrior and a mentor. Its good to have one additional person for venting, the "Doctor." This is not a real doctor or medic. This is a person who is there for you to vent, or release your stress. This is not something you want to put on the mentor's shoulders, as too much burden can cause people to leave your side.  The four of you are walking the path like Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes, and Samantha Jones from Sex and the City. They each have their own lives but make time to be a part of eachother's as well. Whether it's venting, needing someone to talk to, getting advice on a decision, or help with a situation, you know that you are taken care of.

Now, if memories of past events and situations arise while on your Divorce Journey, it is important to note them down. You may feel  it is insignificant or not worried about it. TRUST ME!!!! You will be later. Divorce is not a situation where two people realize that it doesn't work, and part mutual friends. Especially, when there are kids involved! Yes, there are times when there can be an uncontested divorce. However, more times than not, the respondent will break out every trick they can to save their butt. If you do not agree this may happen with you, I am happy for you, however there is no harm in being prepared if it does. Remember, I mentioned divorce is like fighting for your life. Once it is over, the other person can give two hoots about you or your life. So, I can't say it enough, BE PREPARED FOR ANYTHING!!!!!

The Reflection Pond

Hello again. I previously mentioned that I am six months into my divorce and have grown a tougher skin. This exhaustion that I have been experiencing has lead me to the reflection pond. I know that I am not perfect no matter how hard I strive to be like my creator, Jesus Christ. The flaws that I have is what makes me the person today and not some plastic individual. Standing at this reflection pond, I begin to look back on my life and the many things that I have done for my kids, family, and others during my marriage. I pray to God and ask him why is this being manipulated.

Do you remember when Harry Potter found the "Mirror of Aracet" and saw his parents behind him? If you recall, Dumbledore stated that the mirror can also drive a sane person mad.  I realized the reflection pond had a similar effect. I could see what I wanted (my children back) and would almost agree to anything to spend that time I once did with them again. My attorney, Jennifer Englert is a remarkable person. She made me realize that I was getting too emotional and needed to calm down. When you take your journey on the path of divorce, it is going to be very hard but do not let your emotions get the best of you. You may hear that alot and some of you may know that part already. However, you have shared a life with someone who learned how to push your buttons and knows what makes you tick, snap, and break down. When we were married, things were hard for us financially and we would find ways to cope. Now, it is a battle of whoever can stay sane the longest. 

I just went through my first mediation and I saw a part of my wife that made my jaw drop. Notice that I said first mediation. We have a scheduled date for a second one because nothing was accomplished at the first one. I lost it and the tears came down at the end because I felt like I had been stabbed by over 100 daggers over and over. Part of the divorce journey is that you get to see a part of your spouse that you never knew existed. Yes, you have to be happy. It is very important to be happy yourself because your kids will pick up on your depression and that is the last thing you want. On the other hand, you need to work with the other parent too. If you try to get over on the other parent, the children will pick up on that too and you will lose in the long run. I thank God for everyone he places in my life and everything he does for me. I am sitting at the edge of the reflection pond right now because I am weak. I pray for Strength and Guidance on a daily basis and I will not give up on my kids. Ever since we were young, my mother has raised my siblings and I with the saying, "Due unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is very hard to live by that during the divorce process, but i know that GOD will come through.

Until we speak again,

Andy

Walking the journey

O.k., where do I begin. Have you ever heard the saying, "The hardest thing for someone who just lost a limb or a loved one are the first steps in having to learn to do things all over again,"  the concept of divorce is right along that alley. I filed for divorce in September 2009 and we are still nowhere near completion. So, I am 6 months into my journey and to bring you up to speed, I feel weathered, torn, bruised, and battered. I don't say this to scare anyone but as that saying goes, the first steps on my journey have been an emotional rollercoaster and life-changing experience. I will admit that I have grown a tougher skin in 6 months and have learned to watch out for ANYTHING. This economy is taking it's toll on families as well. I recently learned that in Orange County, FL, we are already up to over 2,950 divorces filed for 2010 and we are not even in March yet. So, I can imagine that the numbers are just as high, if not higher in other parts of the country. Please feel free to comment and share your feeelings as we are all human and we all bleed when you attack us. My mother always told me, "Traveling in groups makes a journey a much safer experience." Thanks Mom!